I'm jealous of your bromance
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
