Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
