I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
