marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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