I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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