Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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