If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
