Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Plan B is the new Plan A
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
