i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
