There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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