So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
