Don't make out with my wife yet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
