I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
