haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize