Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
