Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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