THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
