he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
