it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
