i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
