This girl is more easily done than said...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize