i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
