i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
