apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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