does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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