i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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