Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
