yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Will you blow on my dice?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
