I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
