Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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