there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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