y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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