So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize