you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
