shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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