walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
