Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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