we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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