I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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