My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
