jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
