Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
