I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
