i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
