hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize