I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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