This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
