Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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