Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
