you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
then he tried to convert me to islam
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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