He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
