don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
