No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
