Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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