We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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