marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
