I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
