Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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