saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my sisters under your porch take her home
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
