He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
