Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
