went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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