knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
