her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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