If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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