She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
